Mr. Mom

Two couples are quite pleased that dad stays at home.

He bakes the bread and corrals the kids.

She mixes the martinis and makes the money.

It's still a fairly unusual family structure -- working moms and stay-at-home-dads.

But it's one that works perfectly for some Wichita families, including the Redpaths.

Judy is a well-paid engineer whose salary easily supports her family. Steve is a former engineer who's happy to stay at home until the kids are all school-age.

"We had a deal when we got married that whoever had the harder day at work, the other one made the martinis when they got home," Steven says with a laugh. "So now she makes me the martini when she gets home."

Following are the stories of two local Mr. Moms.

'Professional father'

Steven Redpath prefers the term "professional father."

And he's certainly as busy as anyone in the workforce.

His weekdays start early. Steven likes to be dressed and downstairs by 7 a.m. He prepares breakfast as Judy leaves the house at about 7:30.

After that, he dresses 20-month-old Etienne, then serves him breakfast along with 5-year-old Carlton and 7-year-old Veronica.

The trio leaves to take Veronica to school around 8:40 a.m., and the rest of the day is a blur of activity. Redpath is a "room mother" in Veronica's class, and he also is an avid bread baker, bicyclist, cook and entertainer.

He prepares dinner and does most of the cleaning -- though he saves the bathrooms for Judy.

He has used the time at home to earn another degree -- a master's in mathematics from Wichita State University, which he obtained 18 months ago.

He doesn't find the arrangement -- which he and Judy agreed upon before they even had children -- to be threatening, Redpath said. The years when his children are young are short and precious, he said, and the workforce will still be there when they're older.

It's actually an empowering feeling to not have to work until he's good and ready, he said.

"I'm not wasting away. I'm not bored because I'm not working," he said. "I do like the idea of a 9-to-5 job, but I'm not going to take a job until it's the job for me, and I'm not forced to do so."

Judy likes the arrangement, too. The couple agreed long ago that one of them would stay home with children -- and that it didn't matter which one it was.

But the reactions she gets are interesting, she said, especially when people ask her what her husband does for a living.

"People make a lot of assumptions," she said. "It never even occurs to them that he might be at home."

She's so lucky

When girlfriends hear about all the things Julie Thatcher's stay-at-home husband John does, their reaction is predictable.

"They tell me how lucky I am to have a guy that can do all of that," Julie said. "Or they say, 'Oh, my husband would never be able to do that.' "

When the Thatchers decided in 2005 that John should stay home, it was the only move that made sense.

She was a well-paid pharmacist (and now works as the head of operations at Via Christi-St. Joseph's pharmacy).

John had a job he liked -- working with developmentally disabled people -- but it didn't pay much. In fact, his salary was barely enough to cover the cost of putting their three children in day care.

At first, it was sort of hard to wrap his mind around his stay-at-home status, John admits.

"I had no hesitation, except maybe that feeling that I would not be providing for my family," he said. "Looking back at it now, it's kind of silly to think that way. But it's just the way you're brought up."

Today, John runs his house sort of like a business.

He and the boys -- 4-year-old twins Mercer and Drake and 5-year-old Creighton -- have a schedule they follow closely that includes chores, learning time and play time.

The boys know what Dad expects from them, and they do it. Friends often marvel at how well-behaved they are.

Recently, John also decided to start a home-based business of his own, CM Design (www.cmdesigning.com), which keeps him busy during naptime and after the children go to bed.

Now that the business is taking off, John fantasizes about how much he could accomplish if he actually had eight hours during the day to devote to work. He plans to take it full time once all the kids are in school.

The arrangement is such a relief for Julie, but it's hard sometimes, too.

She misses the boys during the week and hates missing out on little pleasures like taking them to school. And when the weekend comes, she can't wait to be with them.

That makes scheduling "me" time tricky.

"You know, everyone needs a chance to get away, but I feel bad when I try to schedule some of that for myself because I'm gone all week anyway," she said.

"But John will say, 'No, go scrapbook with your friends.'

"I do feel very lucky."